Why Having Friends of The Opposite Gender is Not Haram
C.J Ahmed-20.05.2023
Having friends with the opposite gender is completely halal because Islam does not forbid treating non-Muslims who do not harm Muslims with kindness. Allah(swt) says,
“Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. Allah only forbids you from befriending those who have fought you for ˹your˺ faith, driven you out of your homes, or supported ˹others˺ in doing so.” (Al-Quran-60:8-9)
One of the main arguments against having a relationship with a non-Muslim is based on the following verse in the Quran,
Allah says,"Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them
their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste,
not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends"(Al Quran-4:25)
The Arabic term for boyfriend used in the verse is " (Secret
lovers)" and this is the original term which means a person who commits
sexual intercourse without marrying or outside marriage. The word
"boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does not exist in the Quran or hadiths. Now,
the question is, being in a relationship halal and the answer is "Yes' '. Below
are the proofs to support it.
Being in a Relationship with Good Intentions
People should not be judgemental and it is your intentions that matters. If
you want to be in a relationship with a non-Muslim with good intentions, then it
is not at all haram in Islam .
The prophet (Sal) said
" actions are judged by your intentions (Bukhari and Muslim)
Sexual Relationships With Non-Muslims is Halal Under Necessity.
Those who argue that having a non-Muslim boyfriend or girlfriend will lead to
fornication, that is not the case because Muslims from the opposite sex
can be friends without having sexual relations. Although generally adultery
or fornication is haram in Islam ,under necessity it becomes halal and
below is the evidence,
There are situations where man could fall in to fornicating or adultery due
to certain fears or necessity. Islam has facilitated ease on this occasion
and committing fornication or adultery won't be considered a sin or
something that is forbidden due to the fact that the individual has a valid
reason of necessity. This is how Allah(Swt) explains the principle of
necessity.
"And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allah’s Name has been
pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained
to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of
necessity?”
(Al-Quran-6:119)
And
"He has only forbidden you carrion, blood, and swine, and that which has
been consecrated to any other than Allah. But who is driven by necessity,
neither craving nor transgressing, it is no sin for him. For Allah is
Forgiving, Compassionate."
(Al-Quran-2:173)
These verses give a clear picture that proves that something that is
already made haram will become halal due to a necessity if there is no
transgression. Allah(Swt) explains in theses verses when mentioning about
meat which are forbidden and also says that although meat like carrion and
swine are haram, it becomes halal under necessity. Let me give you another
example.
A woman was brought to ‘Umar bin al Khattab May Allah be pleased with him
who had been extremely thirsty, and had passed by a shepherd and asked him
to give her something to drink; he had refused to give her something to
drink unless she let him have his way with her. (Umar) consulted with the
people as to whether he should have her stoned. ‘Ali May Allah be pleased
with him said, ‘She was forced to do it, you should let her go.’ So he did
so."
(Sunan Baihaqi-authenticated by Albani in Irwa al Ghaleel 7/341)
Now, look carefully at this hadith. In this hadith a woman who had
committed adultery was let go because she committed adultery because she
was thirsty. Umar (Rali) did not admonish her for committing adultery for
water rather, he let her go. This is clear evidence that you can indulge in
sex outside marriage if it is for a necessity.
"Narrated Anas (Rali):
The Prophet (sal) allowed `Abdur-Rahman bin `Auf and Az-Zubair bin
Al-`Awwam to wear silk because they were suffering from an itch" .
(Sahih Al Bukhari)
In this hadith, the prophet(Sal) allowed Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair
bin Awwam to wear silk because they had an itch. Generally wearing silk is
haram for men except for embroidery but the prophet (Sal) allowed silk for
the two sahaba due to a reason. When it comes to force and fear, the next
reason is rape. The prophet (Sal) said,
"Allah has forgiven my nation for mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they
are forced to do."
(Ibn Majah- Graded Sahih by Albani in Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah and narrated by
Baihaqi and others and graded Hasan Sahih by Albani)
Having Less Sex Can Cause Health Problems
Having less sex could cause serious health problems. in a March 1, 2010
article published by Harvard,
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/lack-of-sex-affects-the-heart
mentioned the following,
"The latest report from the ongoing Massachusetts Male Aging Study suggests
that, for men, having sex once a month or less can be a worrisome sign of
cardiovascular disease, even in men who have normal erections (American
Journal of Cardiology, Jan. 15, 2010). The researchers recommend that
doctors ask their male patients about sexual activity as a possible window
into hidden cardiovascular disease."
Not only does it affect the heart, less sexual intercourse can affect your
immune system as well. A research published by Psychologists in
Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week
strengthens their immune systems. The research results were published in
"New scientist" dated 17 April 1999 and says the following,
"Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or
twice a week get a boost to their immune systems.Scientists can evaluate
how robust our immune systems are by measuring levels
of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antigen found in saliva and mucosal linings.
“IgA
is the first line of defence against colds and flu,” says Carl Charnetski of
Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre. IgA binds to pathogens at all the points
of
entry to the body, then calls on the immune system to destroy them.
To find out if sex can alter IgA levels, Charnetski and his colleague Frank
Brennan asked 111 Wilkes undergraduates, aged 16 to 23, how frequently
they’d had sex over the previous month. They also measured levels of IgA in the
volunteers’ saliva.
The results showed that participants who had sex less than once a week had a
tiny increase in IgA over those who abstained completely. Those who had one
or
two sexual encounters each week had a 30 per cent rise in levels of the
antigen.
But people who had very frequent sex—three times a week or more—had
lower IgA levels than the abstainers. The researchers presented the results
this
week at a meeting of the Eastern Psychological Association in Providence,"(
https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg16221820-800-can-regular-sex-ward-off-colds-and-flu/)
Having friends with the opposite gender is completely halal because Islam does not forbid treating non-Muslims who do not harm Muslims with kindness. Allah(swt) says,
“Allah does not forbid you from dealing kindly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Surely Allah loves those who are fair. Allah only forbids you from befriending those who have fought you for ˹your˺ faith, driven you out of your homes, or supported ˹others˺ in doing so.” (Al-Quran-60:8-9)
One of the main arguments against having a relationship with a non-Muslim is based on the following verse in the Quran,
Allah says,"Wed them with the permission of their own folk and give them
their mahr (dowry) according to what is reasonable; they should be chaste,
not adulterous, nor taking boyfriends"(Al Quran-4:25)
The Arabic term for boyfriend used in the verse is " (Secret
lovers)" and this is the original term which means a person who commits
sexual intercourse without marrying or outside marriage. The word
"boyfriend" or "girlfriend" does not exist in the Quran or hadiths. Now,
the question is, being in a relationship halal and the answer is "Yes' '. Below
are the proofs to support it.
Being in a Relationship with Good Intentions
People should not be judgemental and it is your intentions that matters. If
you want to be in a relationship with a non-Muslim with good intentions, then it
is not at all haram in Islam .
The prophet (Sal) said
" actions are judged by your intentions (Bukhari and Muslim)
Sexual Relationships With Non-Muslims is Halal Under Necessity.
Those who argue that having a non-Muslim boyfriend or girlfriend will lead to
fornication, that is not the case because Muslims from the opposite sex
can be friends without having sexual relations. Although generally adultery
or fornication is haram in Islam ,under necessity it becomes halal and
below is the evidence,
There are situations where man could fall in to fornicating or adultery due
to certain fears or necessity. Islam has facilitated ease on this occasion
and committing fornication or adultery won't be considered a sin or
something that is forbidden due to the fact that the individual has a valid
reason of necessity. This is how Allah(Swt) explains the principle of
necessity.
"And why should you not eat of that (meat) on which Allah’s Name has been
pronounced (at the time of slaughtering the animal), while He has explained
to you in detail what is forbidden to you, except under compulsion of
necessity?”
(Al-Quran-6:119)
And
"He has only forbidden you carrion, blood, and swine, and that which has
been consecrated to any other than Allah. But who is driven by necessity,
neither craving nor transgressing, it is no sin for him. For Allah is
Forgiving, Compassionate."
(Al-Quran-2:173)
These verses give a clear picture that proves that something that is
already made haram will become halal due to a necessity if there is no
transgression. Allah(Swt) explains in theses verses when mentioning about
meat which are forbidden and also says that although meat like carrion and
swine are haram, it becomes halal under necessity. Let me give you another
example.
A woman was brought to ‘Umar bin al Khattab May Allah be pleased with him
who had been extremely thirsty, and had passed by a shepherd and asked him
to give her something to drink; he had refused to give her something to
drink unless she let him have his way with her. (Umar) consulted with the
people as to whether he should have her stoned. ‘Ali May Allah be pleased
with him said, ‘She was forced to do it, you should let her go.’ So he did
so."
(Sunan Baihaqi-authenticated by Albani in Irwa al Ghaleel 7/341)
Now, look carefully at this hadith. In this hadith a woman who had
committed adultery was let go because she committed adultery because she
was thirsty. Umar (Rali) did not admonish her for committing adultery for
water rather, he let her go. This is clear evidence that you can indulge in
sex outside marriage if it is for a necessity.
"Narrated Anas (Rali):
The Prophet (sal) allowed `Abdur-Rahman bin `Auf and Az-Zubair bin
Al-`Awwam to wear silk because they were suffering from an itch" .
(Sahih Al Bukhari)
In this hadith, the prophet(Sal) allowed Abdur Rahman bin auf and Zubair
bin Awwam to wear silk because they had an itch. Generally wearing silk is
haram for men except for embroidery but the prophet (Sal) allowed silk for
the two sahaba due to a reason. When it comes to force and fear, the next
reason is rape. The prophet (Sal) said,
"Allah has forgiven my nation for mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they
are forced to do."
(Ibn Majah- Graded Sahih by Albani in Sahih Sunan Ibn Majah and narrated by
Baihaqi and others and graded Hasan Sahih by Albani)
Having Less Sex Can Cause Health Problems
Having less sex could cause serious health problems. in a March 1, 2010
article published by Harvard,
https://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/lack-of-sex-affects-the-heart
mentioned the following,
"The latest report from the ongoing Massachusetts Male Aging Study suggests
that, for men, having sex once a month or less can be a worrisome sign of
cardiovascular disease, even in men who have normal erections (American
Journal of Cardiology, Jan. 15, 2010). The researchers recommend that
doctors ask their male patients about sexual activity as a possible window
into hidden cardiovascular disease."
Not only does it affect the heart, less sexual intercourse can affect your
immune system as well. A research published by Psychologists in
Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or twice a week
strengthens their immune systems. The research results were published in
"New scientist" dated 17 April 1999 and says the following,
"Psychologists in Pennsylvania have shown that people who have sex once or
twice a week get a boost to their immune systems.Scientists can evaluate
how robust our immune systems are by measuring levels
of immunoglobulin A (IgA), an antigen found in saliva and mucosal linings.
“IgA
is the first line of defence against colds and flu,” says Carl Charnetski of
Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre. IgA binds to pathogens at all the points
of
entry to the body, then calls on the immune system to destroy them.
To find out if sex can alter IgA levels, Charnetski and his colleague Frank
Brennan asked 111 Wilkes undergraduates, aged 16 to 23, how frequently
they’d had sex over the previous month. They also measured levels of IgA in the
volunteers’ saliva.
The results showed that participants who had sex less than once a week had a
tiny increase in IgA over those who abstained completely. Those who had one
or
two sexual encounters each week had a 30 per cent rise in levels of the
antigen.
But people who had very frequent sex—three times a week or more—had
lower IgA levels than the abstainers. The researchers presented the results
this
week at a meeting of the Eastern Psychological Association in Providence,"(
https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg16221820-800-can-regular-sex-ward-off-colds-and-flu/)